Q: "My husband and I bought a bottle of wine on our honeymoon 26 years ago. It it still any good?"
A: I don't know. I have no idea what the wine is, where you bought it, what conditions it was stored under, or if it was good enough quality to begin with in the first place. My guess is that it has been moved 17 times, stored in a rack on top of your refrigerator, and probably resembles cat urine right now.
Q: "Have you ever heard of Blackstone Merlot?"
A: Yes. And what an amazing point that you bring up, interrupting me in the middle of my segment of how to make Champagne. Thank you for derailing the presentation altogether.
Q (when tasting the wine): "Does this have any oak in it?"
A: Nope. That's why I have been talking about the oak treatment on this wine for the last 2 1/2 minutes, talking about the specific oak barrels, and how you can taste the vanilla notes in the wine as the result. I was trying to trick you.
Q: "I like a really sweet, kind of dry wine, what should I try?"
A: Getting your terminology right. Those terms are opposite. That's like saying "I like a black, kind of white paint job on a wall."
Q: "I like to put ice cubes in my wine. Is that okay?"
A: Only if you are drinking it out of a Dixie Cup.
Q: "Do you like Missouri wines?"
A: For the most part, no. But I'm going to tell you I do, because I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Q: "Your job sounds awesome! So, do you really just drink wine all day?"
A: Yes. I never do anything like get to my office at 6:30 am to unload 72 cases of wine by hand from a surly truck driver that is about to cough up a lung on my sweatshirt. I also don't spend hours filing, updating quickbooks, emailing, and dragging around a heavy bag of samples just hoping that a given account will see me and buy something so I can afford to pay my mortgage.
Now, before you get offended, realize that these answers are just the smart ass ones that flash through my mind. I wouldn't ever actually say them, and most of them are exaggerated a bit. I love my job, and would want to do nothing else right now.
It's about that time- sit back, crack a bottle, talk to someone you love, and enjoy.