Friday, October 9, 2009

Bloggin' ain't easy, love over a jolly rancher

Something that I have realized very slowly is that blogging, much like Big Daddy Kane said about pimpin', "ain't easy". Especially if you try to do it every day. Fridays I have reserved for telling a little less about wine, and a little more about my own life experiences. Today, I'm sort of at a loss about really funny or interesting stories. With this in mind, I will go back to the same age that I spoke of with my Russian Stow-away impression, and talk about my first love- Jennifer Kaufman.
I have spoken of Jennifer before, as she was my first girlfriend when I was the ripe old age of 6. We used to go worm hunting in the gutters on Garfield Way, where she lived- a short walk from my palacial mansion on Harrison Circle in Littleton, CO. This was all fine and dandy, but the true testament to my love and devotion was that I gave her my Halloween candy. This may seem like something small to those reading this. However, when I was a child, my family didn't go trick-or-treating. I don't know if it was a religious choice made by my parents, or simply a safety issue. The lack of trick-or-treating meant that any candy that I could get a hold of came from pilfering from the basket we had to hand out to other lucky trick or treating kids, or from school. Quantities were small.
The other part of the issue was that I wasn't really allowed to take candy to school- my teacher wouldn't allow it, and my parents frowned upon it as well. What was a romeo-minded second grader to do? I needed to give my love the contraband candy she deserved, but I would have to sneak it out of the house. Luckily, these were the days of the Member's Only jackets. That's right, I had one- chest pocket, neck strap, and all. I loaded the candy into my chest pocket, and headed out the door. My mother stopped me to say goodbye before I headed to the bus stop, and give me a kiss and a hug. I remember trying to move slowly so that the wrappers of the grape Jolly Ranchers wouldn't "crinkle" in my pocket as my mom was sending me off. This tell tale sign would have been the end of my perfectly thought-out plan. Luckily, Mom didn't notice.
I gave the candy to the girl I was sure would be the love of my life. I then wrote a note to my parents to let them know that I had a girlfriend- big step for this little guy. Eventually, love proved to be the cruelest of all teachers when Jennifer dumped me at the playground monkey bars for Ryan Polesky. Freaking Ryan. I later got my revenge when I hit him with my lunchbox and gave him stitches- an incident unrelated to him stealing my girl.
In retrospect, I'm glad that I didn't end up with Jennifer, as it would have prevented me from marrying the true love of my life. And I didn't even have to give her any candy!

Have a great weekend- go drink something at Ernesto's, the new wine bar in Benton Park that is opening tonight.

1 comment:

  1. You gave me something oh so much better than candy! I got Jebtha! He might not have lived very long but he certainly lasted longer than a jolly rancher! ;) may he swim in peace after getting the big flush to the sky.